Joey Clams Answers Your Questions

BAFA', Grossman!

Joey Clams — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 09:00:00 +0000

Hey goombahs and amici,
Your pal, Joey C (that's me) is very upset these days. Ever since that "asino" Grossman singlehandedly messed up THE game last Sunday, I have not been all that happy. Concetta is now upset with ME for being upset over the game. Do you know how this deal affected my CREW? Dio mio! This is not about just football. It's about Chicago, Da Bears, a way of life, and BUSINESS!

I shoulda been in Chi that day at Ditka's - or maybe over in Pepper Park having a beef sandwich with the boys. Anything woulda been better than watching that nightmare from a warm climate. The only good part was that I was eating a gelato and having an espresso at this little joint "The Chocolate Cafe".
God love the owner, the gelato was better than in Italia and I'm taking people over there this week. But I've gotta get outta my bad mood, for sure.

WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE ALMIGHTY WAS GROSSMAN DOING OUT THERE? WHY DID LOVIE ALLOW THIS?

Grossman needs to get bounced. Let some other outfit take him. I've got enough agida to last me 100 years. I need a Brioschi again. Since Sunday, I'm slugging Brioschi like it's vino. If you don't what Brioschi is, you need to go buy some at an Italian deli. In Chicago, I think you can get it at Dominics Foods.

The only good thing I can look forward to now is baseball season starting in a couple of months. Ah, the Cubbies! It's about the game, y'know? Maybe this year SOMEBODY will do SOMETHING to get rid of that curse. Imagine that - a mal'occhio on a baseball team. And they say we Italiani are nasty! Hah!

Da Bears!

Joey Clams — Sun, 04 Feb 2007 19:37:00 +0000

Buon Giorno ragazzi, amici, paisani e goombahs!
Whattagreatday for the city of Chicago! Concetta, my bella cummare, is all set for the game that we are going to see in a few hours.
My crew has all the friendly wagers already in and still talking to anyone who wants to "vote" for their favorite team.
As a real "Chicago Family" man, if you know what I mean, we can't talk about odds or who's going to win or take bets or anything like that. But we can say who we like.
Concetta went to Mass today and made today the 9th day of her BIG Novena for a Bears "win". Well, what else? I AM, after all, a Chicago guy. Listen, it's been 22 years - ventidue anni - since we had such a day. My favorite guy, Mike Ditka, God love him, is still my hero. Back in the day, he was a giant. Personally, I still think he is more than just human.
My little pooch is wearing a Bears Jersey all day today.
A few of my "crew" are at the actual game. We'll be talking by cell phone. Man, what a joy these phones would've been years ago when "the book" was our life. Bafa'napoli...as we say.
The rest of the guys between Chi and L.A. are at my house here and also there...they are really there for the food, I think. Concetta's best friend, Anna Natalia, is cooking there - just a few snacks for an army of 20 guys. Concetta, of course, has the spread here in L.A. - I wanted to go to Chicago - just to be there for the mood of it. But, I've got my responsibilities here. Eh, amici, duty calls and a stand up guy always takes care of business FIRST! Capisce?
I want to get my cullo into the other room to have a bowl of minestrone, so let me close this note with a big "Ciao" to everybody in Cicero, Melrose Park, Highwood, and the NorthSide. My old buddies, Renzo "bookman" Giambalvo and Romualdo "bigboy" Sangenaro, are at Villa Scalabrini Assisted Living now - so just relax and enjoy the game, fellas.
Saluti and say "hello" to the good priests there.
Sad note on this bright day - Condolences to the family of "Shy Louie" Cinquegrani.
He is in Heaven now, laying odds for da'Bears - right beside Hank "the Hammer" who left in August of '06.
Have a buonissimo giorno, tutti voi (all of you)!
To quote one of our GREAT politicians (you know who he was): "Don't make waves and don't back losers".
Your good buddy,
Joey C (that's me)

A Sweet Story About Italian Cookies

Joey Clams — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 05:52:00 +0000

This is for all the Italians out there - those who are lucky enough
to be Italian, married to an Italian, or be friends of Italians. It
has been around for a while, but I think it's funny so that's that.
My whole crew says that this is how I'm going to check out, when my
number comes up with the Big Boss - you know, God - Il Signore - Dio!
All I can say is that's a great way to go - especially when you con-
sider my business over the years. You know what I mean? Va bene...
read the story, have a good laugh and grab a cookie.

I'll give you a great new recipe later this week. This one is from
Mamma's Secret Stash of recipes. I found one that she wrote on a piece
of paper from my school stuff when I was 12. Magari! Can you imagine
that? She wrote it in pencil. That woman forgot about cooking what most
will never learn. God bless her...

Allora, time to let you read the little story.
Ciao, Amici, Ragazzi, Paisani and all you good people.
Your pal,
Joey C.

An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the
agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his
favorite Italian anisette sprinkle inkle cookies wafting up the
stairs.

Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom,
and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands he
crawled downstairs.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the
kitchen. Were if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself
already in Heaven. For there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen
table were literally hundreds of his favorite anisette sprinkled cookies.

Was it Heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted
Italian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a
happy man?

With one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table,
landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted,
the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly
bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on
its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly
smacked with a spatula by his wife.

"Get outta here! " she shouted, "They're for the funeral!"

Polenta, Polenta, Polenta!

Joey Clams — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 11:24:00 +0000

Here ya' go, Amici! Remember that this northern Italian dish can be found from Torino to Palermo. It can be eaten for breakfast, lunch or dinner. It can be seasoned with butter, marinara sauce, meat sauce, pork, bacon or mushrooms. There is a wide variety of options. If you have any questions, feel free to write to me, Joey C.

Polenta was a staple food of Caesar´s legions. It remains a popular side dish, prepared much as it was in ancient Rome. Maize (corn) replaced the wheat and millet and chickpeas used by the Romans.

Joey C's Polenta Recipe
(with Concetta's help)

Here's what you need - and this is SO simple that even the newest guy on my "crew" can make it!

1 1/2 quarts water
2 tsp salt
1 1/2 cups finely ground polenta
(You can buy polenta - cornmeal - from a good grocery store or from an Italian market.)

Instructions

In a heavy sauce pan (like your mamma would lift up over your head when she got mad at you), place the water and salt over a high heat. Bring the water to a boil.
Pour the polenta in slowly, while stirring with a whisk. (Slow, like an Italian waltz - tutto piano e adagio)
Whisk to smooth out any lumps.
Reduce the heat and simmer the polenta for 20-30 minutes. You should stir the polenta frequently.
It is done when a spoon will stand up in the middle of the pot.

Note: You can serve the polenta with sauce. It is perfect for flavorful sauces from a meat dish. You can serve this with sausage or pork loin or lamb shank. You can also eat it for breakfast by having a slice heated in a frying pan and topped with a little syrup. We Paisani can eat polenta any which way.

You can either pour polenta into a pan and slice it or you can dump it on a big bread board or platter and put it in the middle of the table with a knife, a wooden spoon, or the way the REAL oldtimers do it - with a string. Yup, they cut it with a string. By the way, Caesar's armies traveled with polenta (made from chick peas 'til maize was introduced). Caesar rightly knew that an army travels on its belly. Al Capone also knew this and that is why wiseguys all eat at great Italian joints!

Deal or No Deal!

Barbecue Bob — Tue, 28 Nov 2006 19:32:00 +0000

Hey, my Amici and Goombahs!
It's been a LONG time since your old pal Joey C (that's me) wrote to you all - Magari! Way back in August when we lost our buon amico Hank the Hammer.
Anyway, what I want to say to you at this GREAT Christmas Season is that I see people being very greedy and that's not good. I mean I went to buy some stuff for the grandkids and like all the other mooks out there, I went to the big toy store and looked around for a very specific item - a camera for little kids that won't break the second ya' touch it. It costs about 50 ot 60 bucks.
No big deal! So I went to pick up what looked to be the last one on the shelf. Some bracciol (a real nasty "broad" if you know what I mean...) scoops in like a vulture and grabs it so quick my fingers got hit. I looked at the camera and at her and back at the camera and said "Hey, Brocciolina, Buon Natale!" and walked away. I haven't wanted to smack anyone so bad in many years - not since Bobby "Balls" Costanza hit my kid brother in '67. (NO! Not THAT kind of "hit" but a spacco la faccia!)
So when I got home and turned on the t.v., I watched "Deal or No Deal". I like that show. It shows just how much people can be either like pigs or smart. The smart ones get a decent offer, take it and go home happy and richer. The caffoni keep trying for the million. So when the guy, Howie, says: You got a 1 in 5 chance of getting big money. HEY, Gidroolo, that means you got an 80% EIGHTY PERCENT chance that it AIN'T there for you. Marron! So some goof stands up there like a big pezzanovanta (big shot for you who don't get that word) and says: "Okay, Howie, NO DEAL!" Then he goes home with maybe 5 ot 10 grand and looks like a real stupido! The guy today was a true maiale (pig) and he was struttin' around the stage and making big talk - and then - Bingo! He goes home with 10 bucks! That's why that show is good.
When I went back to Chicago and saw some of the crew and other guys in the famiglia, we had a laugh about that show. When one of us would ask "Deal or no deal", the deal was pretty much set in stone (or cement if you know what I mean). So, anyway, I am sorry to be giving you a big rant but this is a good reason to shop on the computer like Concetta told me to do. I thought I'd get more in the spirit if I went out to shop. Bafa! California is NOT like shopping at Marshall Field's (Macy's now) in downtown Chicago. I am even thinking of heading back for 2 or 3 days, just to feel like Christmas and have a drink with the boys - my old crew.
Listen, my good pal, Wally Phillips from many years on WGN Radio (Chicago) has not been doing too well lately. I would like for all of you who read this to say a little prayer for him, okay?
Also, my granddaughter just got herself a little cagniolino (puppy). It is one of those Chinese dogs with wrinkles - a Sharpei, I think she said. She named it Cubby Butkis....Guess why!? Cubby for "Da Cubs" and Butkis for Dick that great GREAT Chicago Bear. We even have him wearing a little Chicago Cubs and Bears tee-shirt. The guys in my crew thought that was teriffic. We're even going to make Cubby our wiseguy mascot. Pretty soon, my bella Claudia will put his picture on this blog for me. She's a good girl -- a little high-strung but a real sweetheart!
Okay, recipes -- I am going to post one in about 24 hours or sooner, because I've got to get it written out so's I can read it myself. It is in pieces because I have had this on the same paper my own dear Mamma wrote it on abour 60 years ago. But I will have it for you in a little while.
Meanwhile, don't forget about Domino's Bakery on Harlem (Teresa my bell'amica is there).
TaKe a break at the Italian Village in downtown Chicago and see Ray Capitanini or Ray Sgro. This is a fine place to eat after a big day of shopping or working or on a date with a cute bella ragazza, y'know?
Also in Highwood Illinois, where I was raised, there are two GREAT places - the Del Rio (Billy) and Washington Gardens (Alex).
The food is northern Italian with focus on the Modena area and it is LIKE HOME! For real, this is the best stuff you will eat that is GREAT. The Del Rio runs an Opera Program in December, so call up Billy and ask him about it. My cousins and I spent MANY happy days and holidays at all of these places, as kids and even now.
The Italian Village is a different kind of special - upscale but not snotty and not so high you can't afford it.
Okay, Ragazzi, Amici and Goombahs -- Concetta just heated up some tortelacci for me so I'm going to go mangiare and have some cannoli (flew 'em in from Domino's) with a nice little espresso. Meanwhile, be good, behave yourselves or my guys will have to see if it's "Deal or No Deal" wiseguy style. Just jokin'!
Ciao 'til later (WITH A GREAT RECIPE FOR YOU)
Your good buddy and goombah,
Joey C.

In Memoriam - Henry "Hank the Hammer" - 1912 - 2006

Barbecue Bob — Sat, 26 Aug 2006 23:14:00 +0000

Well, your good buddy Joey Clams has had a tough week. My old goombah and partner, Hank the Hammer, passed away on Monday at 94 years of age. He was one of the great old legends of Chicago wiseguy lore. Many of you would never have heard of him, but that's how he wanted it. There were 5 brothers, of these one was a Catholic priest, the other a young man of 19 who died of a leukemia-like illness (in Italy). The remaining three were connected guys. Dominic ("Peter Rabbit") ran the liquor trucks from Canada and other aspects of business (prohibition). Another ("Bart") ran gambling operations in Lake County. The third was Hank and he was the investor, the talker, the one who handled books. He was also quite a scrapper. I remember one time when we were all "cabareting". We had gone to Johnny Patterson's Coral Key, The Highland Fling, Villa Moderne and then The Commodore (all joints in Lake County, Illinois). Some big mouth called one of the brothers a "greaseball wop". That was the single dumbest thing I've heard a guy call another guy in an Italian place. Everything went drop-dead quiet. Bart turned and popped him a quick right in the gut sending him into the Rabbit's left hook. The Hammer was the third in line and he booted this clown in the ass, while I stood there holding the door open. Out he went into the coldest winter night imagineable. "Wolf" the dog who guarded the club walked out and took a pisciatta right on the guy's face and then came back in. Now THAT was a night to remember. Ah, Dio mio! There are memories like this to last me the rest of life. Someday your goombah and good buddy Joey C. will be with them retelling all of these great stories. God has gotta have a good place for guys like this. Anyway, if you ever heard of any of the joints I've just mentioned, please write to me. It would be a sweet thing to hear from you if you are from those old days.
More recipes and good thoughts comin' soon, my Amici and Goombahs.
God bless you all!
Joey C, that's me!

CAMARONI SPECIALI

Barbecue Bob — Thu, 03 Aug 2006 19:24:00 +0000

HERE’S ONE OF MY ABSOLUTE WISEGUY FAVORITES LIKE WE USED TO EAT WHEN WE WERE IN SAL (“THE GAGUZZ”) GIAMBALVO’S BASEMENT.
GRILLED JUMBO SHRIMP WITH LEMON AND OREGANO
The citrusy dressing makes this dish a standout, and there's plenty extra to be sopped up with rice or crusty bread. Cooking shrimp in their shells keeps them juicy and tender. It all makes for casual finger food that requires plenty of napkins — which is part of the fun. (Fun? We always eat like that! Mangia,ti fa bene! That means, "Eat, it's good for you.")

3 lb jumbo shrimp in shell (7 or 8 per lb) But FRESH shrimp, not the old frozen or cultivated kind… Wise up! You could whacked usin’ the frozen cagatta!
4 large garlic cloves – LARGE means L A R G E, capeesh?
3/4 teaspoon salt
5 tablespoons fresh lemon juice (not outta the bottle)
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
3/4 cup olive oil – Again, the GOOD stuff.
1/4 cup finely chopped fresh oregano (from 1 bunch)
3 lemons, each cut into 6 wedges

Snip through shells of shrimp along middle of back using kitchen shears, exposing vein and leaving tail and adjoining segment of shell intact. Devein shrimp, leaving shells in place. (GET THAT VEIN OUTTA THERE! The vein is caca!)

Mince and mash garlic to a paste with salt using a large heavy knife or a mortar and pestle. Transfer to a blender along with lemon juice and pepper and blend until smooth. With motor running, add oil in a slow stream, blending until emulsified. Transfer dressing to a bowl and stir in chopped oregano. (FRESH oregano, per favore!)

Prepare grill for cooking over direct heat with medium-hot charcoal (moderate heat for gas). BUT DO IT RIGHT! Don’t leave it tasting like charcoal fluid.

Toss shrimp with 1/4 cup dressing in a large bowl and marinate no more than 15 minutes. (Texture of shrimp will change if marinated too long.)

Lightly brush lemon wedges with some of remaining dressing and grill, turning over once, until grill marks appear, 3 to 5 minutes. Transfer to a large platter.

Grill shrimp on lightly oiled grill rack (covered only if using a gas grill), turning over once, until just cooked through, 7 to 8 minutes total. Transfer to platter with lemons as grilled. Serve with remaining dressing.

Cooks' note:
If you aren't able to grill outdoors, preheat a lightly oiled well-seasoned large (2-burner) cast-iron grill pan over moderate heat until hot but not smoking, then cook lemon wedges and shrimp (in batches if necessary) in same manner as above.

NOW maybe put it on a bed of linguine and make a nice oil, chopped tomato and garlic butter sauce for it. Play around with the recipe. Make a nice tossed arugula salad, a little vino, crusty Italian bread and mmmwwwwaaaa…PERFETTO!! The vino oughta be Italian or from California.)

BUON APPETITO!!!

Ma, Che Cosa e Questo? (Hey, What's This?)

Barbecue Bob — Thu, 03 Aug 2006 19:19:00 +0000

Hey, Goombahs, Amici and all other Good Buddies of Joey C. (That’s me.): I heard from a lady friend in California and she wrote me a little something about a sad event in Chicago where my “business” is located. I wanted to bring your attention to it because I think some of the G (government) people got their wires crossed. They keep messing up with the WRONG people. Believe me, as a true blue wise guy, I know about this kind of stuff. My ol’ boss, Tony (Joe Batters) Accardo knew it, too. Marron! Whaddya gonna do? So, here I am and I write and try to make opinion known and add a few recipes for your pleasure. Buona fortuna, Amici! It’s been “caldo buoio’ here (WAAAAY hot!), but I’ll get another recipe up for you by tomorrow. I’ve also gotta take Concetta, my gummare, to Vegas for a couple of days. Yeah, it’s hot there, too, but we’ll be in our hotel the whole time, so who cares, you know? Anyway, here’s the note from my friend for you to think about:

“What, No Poles Dancing?”

Ya' gotta be kidding with “NO VISA FOR BRIDESMAID" (Sunday - July 9, 2006 - front page – Chicago Tribune). Miss Iwona Maslanka applied for a Visa to visit from her native Poland so that she could be in her Chicago cousin’s wedding party. The government’s rebuff was due to the fact that they believed she would remain in the country past her visa permission and become “OH NO!! AN ILLEGAL ALIEN!”. Of course no one is watching our border to the north from where untallied mideast non-documented people enter – OR our border to the south from where EVERYONE enters without visas, or anything even remotely resembling a formal U.S. entry document.

Bottom line? Unless things have changed in the past few weeks, Miss Maslanka won’t be on of the wedding Poles dancing at anyone’s wedding in Chicago.

This young Polish woman, Iwona, should be given a visa, a passport, a red carpet welcome and a couple of nights in a suite at the Drake. Then make reporter Oscar Avila have lunch with her so they can discuss the REAL immigration problem -- and it AIN'T illegal Europeans (who get summarily shipped back when discovered).

I am a transplanted Chicagoan living in southern California. I also lived many years in Mexico and I am an interpreter/translator by education. I would happily urge the Governator (Arnold) and our Congresspersons to accept ALL of Illinois' illegal Europeans for an equal number of our illegals. We have a few million in California alone and they came with NO visa, NO passport, NO job, NO skills, NO education, NO English. But they do come with lots of wedding plans, and pregnancies (planned and “in progress”). So, at least you guys can more or less FIND your Polish, Russians, Greeks, Italians, whatever...(They had “visas, huh?) We have no idea where our several million (undocumented – visa, tourist card or otherwise) illegals are...unless we stand in downtown Santa Ana and yell "Migra" (Immigration) or go ask 3/4 of the patients in any of the local e.r. facilities that are still open. (Many closed because they couldn't handle the load any more.)

So, PLEASE stop Oscar from talking and writing trash. Here, many theme parks hire Polish students who come over for the summer to work as food concessionaires, cashiers, etc. In September, they return to Poland. They speak excellent English, smile, are personable, helpful and sincere. The only thing one can hear at our local drive-through restaurants is "Don't you espic espanich?" I wish people would stop asking that. I DO speak Spanish, and English and Italian and French. But when I am HERE in the U.S.A., I speak English in my day-to-day life!

Hmmmm, if there is to be a general "amnesty" that will be called "guest worker", please assure that Iwona Maslanka is HERE! I am going to fight for EVERY SINGLE EUROPEAN, CANADIAN AND OTHERS to be given the SAME STATUS. I do NOT want to see ANY illegals here. But if they ask for a VISA, unless there is a good reason to believe she's a terrorist, give her the damn document and let her in! Half of the terrorists coming here are coming in thru Mexico anyway.

As for your writer Oscar Avila, he should have reported the European stats as they stack against the Illegal Central and South American stats. Whew!
Maybe Oscar should have written about something else that day.

By the way, here in California, as soon as Mexico was out of the World Cup (Soccer), it was no longer broadcast on mainline t.v. channels. I guess the cable

folks here thought that only Mexico mattered. Hmmmm, I was pretty darned happy to see Italy take the prize. I have to PAY to see the Italian t.v. channel, but I've got telavisa, telemundo, etc. FORCE FED to me whether I want those 18 channels or not.

AY! AY! AY! Somebody quick - call La Migra! But leave Miss Maslanka with her LEGAL VISA in the door to Chicago, the FINEST CITY IN AMERICA.

I'll be back in autumn for my 6-month reality check. I can't live without that wonderful gritty, lifegiving Chicago spirit and air.

A Proud Italian-American
Born on the west side at Mother Cabrini Hospital
Cubs and Bears fan, unless the White Sox are in Anaheim when I then am screaming "GO WHITE SOX"! (and lots of Angels fans are glaring at me - Yeah,

A SPECIAL SOUP - FROM JOEY CLAMS

Barbecue Bob — Wed, 14 Jun 2006 02:59:00 +0000

A SPECIAL SOUP - FROM JOEY CLAMS
(You’re going to love this special recipe.)

Okay, good pals and buddies. I’m on my way to a family meeting tonight, so this is a very short note. One of my crew, Frankie “the shot” Cinquepalle is very devoted to Saint Anthony, who is the patron of things that are lost. Frankie is always losing his car keys and is forever talking to Sant’Antonio. His prayer to find the keys is never very holy, if you know what I mean. Listen up, Frankie is a regular wiseguy, with no – what is it – finesse, if you know what I mean. But the mook has a good heart and is a loyal soldier. By the way his prayer goes: “Tony, Tony look around - something’s lost and must be found.” But, magari, EVERY time Sant’Antonio comes through and those keys show up like a miracle. So, his little simple prayer works, y’know?

So as I’m saying, Frankie gets this recipe from his cugino in, of all places, VENEZIA right there in the old country. His cousin is, believe this, a Franciscan friar by the name Father Santino. This recipe is in a special cookbook called “Cooking with the Saints”. You can order it from my belle fanciulle (beautiful girls), the CrazyBagLadies. So look at the recipe and then click on whatever link or thing that’s there and get the book. You don’t have to be Catholic or anything like that. It might be a good idea to show some respect to the saints so you don’t get God and the angels arrabbiatti (mad) at you, eh?

Okay, va bene, I’ve gotta go. As a matter of fact, Concetta my gummare made me some of the soup, so I’m gonna scarf it down and get to the meeting. All the big boys are in town, and I’ve got to give my report on the northwest side “activities’. I really got to think about serious retirement. I don’t even get to golf…not even a little bocce ball on Saturday. Too much to do and I’m semi-retired. Oh well, CIAO everybody! ‘Til next time, this is your good buddy Joey C telling you to stay outta trouble. Oh, yeah – Concetta said to be sure to have the oil hot enough when you make the soup. Man, can she grind ‘em! I keep telling her to make her own thing on the internet. She is such a scimmia! (Look it up – it is not a swear word. Wiseguys don’t always use bad language.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey, Goombahs, here’s FREE RECIPE FROM COOKING WITH THE SAINTS!
Order your copy now!

Zuppa di Sant' Antonio 
(Soup for St. Anthony's Day or any day!)

Like Saint Anthony, this soup is humble and simple. It is tasty, filling and will be perfect to take care of that little empty spot in your stomach. Serve with a nice salad and crusty Italian bread. BUONISSIMO!!
4 eggs 
3 Tbsp. flour
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. baking powder
oil for deep frying [8 cups (2 liters)]
chicken broth [1 cup (250 ml)]
spinach
chopped  Parmesan cheese

Whip eggs, flour, salt and baking powder into a very thin dough. With a teaspoon slowly drop little balls of batter into the hot oil. When the drops are golden brown, drain on absorbent paper.
Boil chicken broth, add dough balls and chopped spinach and let them cook for 5 minutes.
Serve soup topped with grated Parmesan cheese (the REAL parmigiano, you hear me?).

Serves 8 to 10 Americans or 4 Italians

Scallopine and Freddy Boy

Barbecue Bob — Tue, 06 Jun 2006 15:10:00 +0000

Hey, Amici and Paisani,
This is Joey Clams back with a little something I found for you to cook up for a nice light meal. This one is especially “buono” for you because it is a healthier version of the heavy winter meal. I feel really “ubazz” giving you guys some of these recipes because – and I mean this – some of you do not realize that even wise guys are into good health.

Actually, we are more into “staying alive” than the rest of you because we always live sort of on the edge if you knows what I mean, eh? Okay, so being a semi-retired made guy, who is shall we say, more “mature” than many, I have a LOT of interest in living even longer because of a) my work, b) my weight (Yo, I am in good shape!), and c) my gummare Concetta. She is the most important reason I’ve got to keep my heart pumping, you know? Okay, so like I want to tell you – one of our guys, Federico “Freddy, The Twister” Colombino was only 52 – magari! - FIFTY-TWO! Listen to this…He leaves his job (Local 450 Bartenders’ Union – special assignment, if you get what I mean) and gets in his car (a beautiful classic ’65 Caddy that he got fully restored). He decides to stop at Celia’s for a beef sandwich and an Italian ice. (Celia’s got a stand on the northwest side and has great Italian beef sandwiches there.) He was complaining about heartburn, which – to tell ya’ the truth - is like all the time in our business – and we call it “agita”. When a real deep agita gets going, you feel all the bile in the world backing up. He was by me earlier in the day and took Brioschi. (PLEASE do NOT tell me you don’t know what Brioschi is! If you don’t, like I say, DO NOT tell me. Get your cullo to some Italian deli and ask them to give you some. You can’t even think of Italy or Italian food without Brioschi.) So, like I’m saying, he takes the Brioschi and goes by Celia’s. Then he tells HER he’s got agita. She jokes with him a little while she makes his beef.

He’s now slurping up the lemon ice thinking he’s feeling better, and he wants to get home and watch t.v. There was a good show on that night – one of the Soprano things, which we laugh at a lot - Tony Soprano looks kind of like a goombah of mine, Johnny Riggs (punch cards and numbers, Kane County, early 60s). We watch Tony and his crew and have a few laughs. Some of those stories are really not like the real deal- just a lot of crappola and made-up Hollywood stuff. Some of them are what I would call interesting. I don’t think any of our crew would go to a shrink, that’s for sure, but maybe that’s how the audience gets to see inside Tony’s head. Personally, I like his character. My nipotina, Claudina, is really hooked on that show. Anyway, back to Freddy…so he goes home, turns on the set, sits down in his shorts and tee-shirt, has his beef sandwich there and he’s chowing down…and then, KA-BOOM! Freddy is NO MORE! He was GONE, as MORTO – MORTO!! (dead) can be…like a fish, staring at nothing. And the beef was half in his pancia (gut) and half going down and a little in his mouth. The doc said his heart was like nothin’ he ever saw with cholestrol and fat and blocked up stuff. Imagine!

Well, I think he should probably have had a few good cleaning out treatments – a good physic now and then would have helped I think. The doc says no, but in Italy that is still a sort of sacred treatment. A clean cullo INSIDE and everything is better. That, plus a glass or two of vino every day and some olive oil. There was a really nice funeral for Freddy which he would have loved. Plenty of amici and goombahs were there to pay respects. He was a good worker, so his family will be in good shape. Freddy always brought in more than the boss wanted. So the bonuses will go to his wife and the kids’ school. So, I don’t want myself or any of YOU to wind up like Freddy with beef stuck in your throat, dyin’ in front of a t.v. in your underpants, capisce? Good! So here’s your next recipe for HEALTHY, GOOD, SUMMERTIME Chicken Scallopine! This is your good pal, Joey C, saying “Ciao” and rest in peace, Freddy Boy!

Recipe: Herbed Chicken Scaloppine

This original recipes uses seasonal ingredients to create dishes that are healthy, delicious and easy to make. The nutrition standards for this recipe are lower in fat, but full of flavor!
Ingredients:
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, about 4 to 6 ounces each
1 and ½ - 2 Tablespoons of olive oil
2 Tablespoons of Herbes de Provence*

Preparation Cook: 14 minutes
With a meat pounder, flatten the chicken breasts between 2 sheets of waxed paper. Press the herbes de Provence* into the chicken.

Heat the olive oil in a heavy oven-proof skillet until it begins to smoke. Cook each side of the chicken until golden brown, about 8 minutes total.

How healthy is it? Read this:
Number of Servings: 4
Per Serving Amount
Calories 173
Fat 7g
Saturated Fat 1g
Protein 26g
Fiber 0g
Carbohydrate 1g
Sodium 74mg

*What are Herbes de Provence? How do I make this?
Herbes de Provence is a special blend of spices native to the Provence region in the south of France. The fresh herbs are gathered from the mountain sides for use in traditional dishes. Rosemary, thyme and bay leaf are the base for the blend-without these it is not herbes de Provence. From there basil, lavender and fennel are added. In France, lavender is only added in very small amounts and sometimes excluded, which was a surprise to me. Lavender is so much associated with this region in France that it is assumed that it is the main ingredient, but it's actually optional. Without the lavender, this is more like the ORIGINAL northern Italian blend of spices.

The following is a very basic blend that can be mixed, although each cooks adds her/his own touch to the blend which changes it slightly.

Dry herb Ingredients: 1 tablespoon dried basil - 1 tablespoon marjoram - 1 tablespoon summer savory - 1 tablespoon thyme - 1 crushed bay leaf - 1 teaspoon lavender - 1 teaspoon fennel

Mix together and keep in a covered container.

Herbes de Provence is a nice mixture to use for rubbing on meats, poultry, or fish before roasting. It's also used for seasoning salads, sauces and cheeses, as well as soups and stews. Try rubbing the blend on whole turkey or the breast before roasting. Rub beef, lamb or veal with olive oil, season with salt and pepper, then press the herb blend into the meat. Sear the meat in a very hot skillet on both sides, then remove and finish roasting in a 300 degree oven until cooked to your preference. When grilling, add a pinch or two of herbes de Provence to the coals when they are hot.
You may equally add a piece of orange to just about everything. A blend of orange peel, thyme, marjoram, savory, and rosemary is a perfect blending of subtle flavors. It is also superb on poultry.

I suggest a light salad with arugula, pomegranate seeds, tender cherry tomatoes with a balsamic vinagrette dressing.
Try a crusty fresh out of the oven baguette served in a basket.
A good white wine goes best with this dish.
NOW THIS iS HEART-HEALTHY!

Una Bella Giornata (A Beautiful Day)

Barbecue Bob — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 17:46:00 +0000

When my Nonno came to America so many years ago, he came as a poor immigrant from the Emilia Romagna region of northern Italy. He was a farmer who wanted to do the best he could for his famiglia. Anyway, before I get more into my story, let me say a couple of things about this immigration stuff. I don’t want to talk about it in a political way, but I want to set the record straight on a few things. For some of you who think that it was easy for the Italians, who are, by the way, the real bona fide FIRST Latinos – that is bad information. The early Italian immigrants came by long trips on ships, traveling in steerage. (That’s the NO luxury part of the ship.) They were processed at various ports of entry like Ellis Island and other places. If tuberculosis or eye disease were found – badaboom! – back on the next ship. The whole trip, every saved penny, every seasick day, all for nothing. That ended the dream on the spot. If you made it through the process, then you had the joy of finding out that nobody wanted you here. There was no work for Italians or Greeks or other southern Europeans. It was the Irish who ruled America then, even though they had also had the same experiences when they had arrived to the shores of “L’America” in great human waves not too much earlier. To top it off, after Nonno had worked for about 2 years and bought a little house in an area near Chicago, he was ready to go back and get Nonna and their children. He went back and as all was ready to go for the big trip, someone changed details in the immigration laws and my poor Nonno’s papers weren’t “right” and he was prevented from returning to this country. It took many years for him and Nonna Lucia over here. There was no free ride in America for the Italians, and no rights either. So I want to clear that up for some of my amici who think it was all cherry pie and good times for us. It just ain’t true, capisce? Good.

Okay, so now your good pal Joey C, that’s me of course, wants to lighten up the mood with a little something speciale for you for the Summertime which will be here in about 3 weeks. Instead of just a few recipes to enjoy, I want to share a beautiful European tradition with you – and that is the Summer Picnic. Oh, I know you might think that a picnic is a big American deal. The kinds of food you eat might be what makes it different, but picnics are a way of life in many European countries. In Italy, we used to get very excited about having a Bella Giornata in the countryside. It meant time to eat “al fresco” with simple food, the good company of our family and friends and plenty of time to play bocce and other games. The old ladies would sit and sew and gossip. They put together GREAT food for our Bella Giornata. So to you all, here are the variations on the Italian theme, including a few suggestions for where to make your own Bella Giornata. Enjoy!

For your vacation this year, you can make a vacation within a vacation. First, find a terrific spot. Imagine Central Park in New York, Grant Park by the Art Museum in Chicago, any lake front or beach, an arboretum, Forest Preserve, or even on a city rooftop.

Next, decide if you will be sitting on the ground or at a picnic table. Make sure you have a blanket or cloths for the table or the ground.

The menu should be fun and filling. We Italians like to have cold herb-roasted chicken, a salad with oil and balsamic vinegar, hard crusty bread, wine and sparkling water (usually Pellegrino), and always fruit, cheeses, and some sweet delight. When my famiglia got to America we added some of the wonderful American foods such as potato salad and lemonade. We also played baseball in the fields and sat quietly as the day wound down, listening the old guys play “Mora”.

You can have dishes or paper plates, plastic cutlery or the real deal. Remember that plastic and paper are a LOT easier to clean up later, but hey! this is YOUR choice. It is YOUR picnic, YOUR Bella GIornata.

Now you don’t need a reason for a picnic – but think a little bit first. Is the last summer before one of your kids go off to college? Are you going to propose to your girlfriend? Do you want to share a special moment with your spouse? Are you happy that some buffone got whacked? That will determine a LOT about the picnic itself.

Besides seeing the sights of a place away from your home, get a real perspective by having a picnic and really enjoy what the locals do.

You can maybe even try to cook out. Concetta, my commarre, thinks even a little cook-out is okay…providing you use an inexpensive little grill – and that you make sure that there is no prohibiting of cooking, wherever you are making your Bella Giornata..

So have a great summer picnic, dear amici, paisani and good buddies! In a few days I’ll get back to my Chicago stories about other wiseguys – some you knew about and a lot more you didn’t. Guys like Chuckie English, Paul “the Waiter” Ricca, Joey O’Brien (Aiuppa from Cicero), a lot of them old time guys.

And one more thing - actually two, for the record – Sam Giancana was not understated. Tony Accardo was a man of great heart. Jackie Cerone was tough as nails, but always quiet. And Matty Capone was simple. Sammy G’s problem was, like many of the guys, women. And that is where things go south. When you want to know about the boys, then ask me

In the meantime here are a few stores that carry great picnic supplies.

The Home Marketplace
Sur La Table
Linens 'n Things
Brookstone
Hammacher Schlemmer

And there are always some sales goin' on...so check 'em out.
If you want coupons or coupon codes, my friends, The CrAzY BaG LaDiEs, have a ton of them...

So until the next time, this is your good buddy, Joey C., saying, "Ciao, Amici!"

Pssssst, Jimmy H. ain't in the backyard. You heard it here first!

CHICAGO MEMORIES - A SALUTE TO THE PAST – PART II

Barbecue Bob — Tue, 25 Apr 2006 02:46:00 +0000

Hey, Paisans, Amici and Goombahs,
I promised to continue to mention some good Chicago buddies as we go down memory lane. Recently I wrote about Mike Royko and Irv “Kup” Kupcinet, may they rest in peace.

Today, I want to add a more notorious goombah and made guy to the list. No matter how good or bad a guy is, he can still be at the heart of a great story. My next one is exactly that. I am speaking of Sam “Momo” Giancana who was born in 1908 and died in 1975. I always knew his birthday to be May 24th, but the people that have a lot of info for this internet stuff also say June 8th. In all of our years, it was for me always May 24th. I started thinking that maybe they got his Baptism date down as his birthday. Marrone! Who cares! Who knows?! He’s mort’ anyway. I thought about Momo because he was one funny, strange guy. He was smart as a whip on stuff like the numbers racket and gambling. He had a tight control on a lot of the action in Chicago. He shared a lot of power with Tony “Joe Batters” Accardo.

There is a sort of nice side to one part of Sam’s life, though. Please forgive this old wiseguy for the more melancholy memories. It was his daughter Antoinette’s wedding.
He designed and opened a great restaurant on the North Shore of Chicago. It was called the Villa Venice. It was exactly like being in Venezia. There were gondolas and waiters dressed like gondoliers. It was some big deal. Momo (Sam) did it ALL for his gummare, the singer. I don’t want to go into all that, but he sure went goofy for that little braciol’. It is typical for a made guy to have a real gummare, but Magari!, he’s not supposed to parade her around like she’s the real deal. A gummare is a gummare no matter who she is! [Whether it’s a Maguire Sister or Marilyn Monroe or Adriana Barboso (a little doll from the west side and gummare to Sandrino Cappitelli – not famous, but she has a great cullino, capisci?)] A gummare never has real rank, or real privilege – except to be hangin’ on the arm of the made guy. Eh!? Who knows how big a deal that is?! You gotta ask the gummares. The wives are another deal. They get it ALL – the zort ($), the casa, the cars, jewels, furs, ALL OF IT!! They also get the protection and what they need from the other guys when the husband is “on a trip”, or “gone indefinitely”. For your information, a “trip” can be 5 to 20. “Indefinte” is sleeping with the fishes. Anyway, I was at Antoinette’s wedding. We all went. There were more FBI cars there than mob cars. The cameras were clickin’ away and we invited the government guys to come in and join the party. We didn’t care that they did. It was Momo’s kid’s WEDDING, y’know? She was giving out her little candy-coated almonds as favors – an old Italian tradition. It was some affair. Of course, it was THE place for any “family” guy’s kids’ weddings. Villa Venice for the evening affair and the Moraine Hotel for a wedding breakfast. This was Lake County and there was gambling all over. Bookies were part of every bar scene. Those who recall might remember places like: Johnny Patterson’s, Coral Key, Villa Moderne (with the giant Miller High Life bottle outside), The Commodore, Highland Fling, Favorite Inn and other joints. The Commodore had gambling in the back room. There were slots, roulette, the full deal. But there was no monkey business. People had a good time, a few drinks, won and lost a little and then they went home.

But Momo Giancana was a real piece of work. He had a heart as big as can be. If he heard a sob story, he’d be the first guy to reach into his pocket and take care of it. We all knew Al Capone’s brother, Mattie. Mattie was sort of a simple guy. He was not in the rackets whatsoever. He liked to hang out with the guys ‘cause he didn’t know anybody else. So, we all used to take care of him and look after him – a tenderhearted guy who was a little slow.

Anyways, if you readers out there have any memories to add about the Villa Venice, the Commodore or the other joints in Lake County, drop me a line. I’m at DaBoss@joeyclams.com

I feel really stufo (fed up) now. Those days, believe it or not, were good days. Everything seemed to work and everybody was happy. Ah, chi sa? Who knows? Maybe it is just the nostalgia of an old guy. Maybe we ALL make it seem like it was better than it really was. But there was NOTHING, NIENTE so good as a convertible drive on a hot summer night down old Skokie Road, dressed to kill, with a bella braciol’ in the seat next to me and everything was right under those night stars. I drove a Caddy convertible then – black naturally. I wore the best suits and my shoes had a spit shine so good I could see my ugly mug in ‘em. The song, “Peg o’ of My Heart” was one of my favorites. Frankie Laine was big time and we all thought Louis Prima and Keely Smith were the best. As for the Chairman of the Board, Frank Sinatra – Amici, Friends, NOBODY but NOBODY can EVER EVER touch that man’s style, singing or class. I knew him, I was there. Joey Clams has a million stories and to hear the cagatt’ they put in the magazines, even nowdays, makes me sick. Listen to me. I got no interest in lying to nobody about this stuff. The ones who make up the bad stuff are looking for a million bucks in a book about made up stories. Remember, there couldn’t have been a
Cosa Nostra or a Syndicate or a Mob or a socalled Mafia, if there was no city hall and police to take the payment(s). Ah, cosi e la vita! That’s life.

Now I’m gonna go have a little vino, cook a new recipe that I got from an old goombah who is still living in Lewisburg, PA (sad), have a Parodi (that’s a badass Italian cigar), and then kiss Concetta a few times, go pisciatt’ and go to bed.

Be good, and take care of yourselves. You are always my amici, paisani and good goombahs. So, I guess that’s that about that!

Buona Notte!
Your Pal,
Joey C

Chicago Memories - A Salute to Good Things Past and to Those That Endure

Barbecue Bob — Tue, 18 Apr 2006 21:43:00 +0000

Now that you’ve all read my special note about the cannoli, I wanted to tell you a few things…to clear the air, as they say. Many of you want to know more about me, Joey Clams. State voi ziti! (That means, “Be quiet!”) There’s a few things I can pop to you and a lot I can’t.
That’s because I’m an honorable guy and we don’t do such things. Here’s the deal. Nothing is more valuable in life than your name and your honor. Lose those and you might as well put the lead in your head yourself. Don’t rat out your goombahs, keep your head down, dig in, and mind your own business. That’s good advice, my friends. If you betray a friend, you will betray anyone. I know a guy in the slam…a guy doing federal time. He threw two of his buddies under the bus, which just means he ratted ‘em out. NO GOOD! He did it so’s he could get 2 years off his time. Well, now he still has to do at least 8 more years and all of those 8 will be spent watching his back. What a caffone!
Anyway, I don’t talk about the family business unless it’s just light stuff. For example:
Some of the Chicago crew is into “the book” – and that ain’t the Bible!); Some of the boys handle “special needs loans” – Others take care of problems that local law enforcement can’t handle. The other day, some real sick pervert was hanging around the schoolyard over by the Northwest side of the city. The paisani there called the police a few times. But these Chicago finest – and they really are – couldn’t help because the guy wasn’t around, and the cops’ hands are often tied by the laws. These bad guys got “rights” they say! Minaccia! Does that get my blood boiling! Anyways, somebody dropped the dime to Sal “Little Rocks” Bonpinto, one of my “runners,” that the pervert is moving on the kids at the schoolyard. So, we helped the fine Chicago police officer find the guy by getting him in one place. Now there is no problem at all. We also have guys who are sanitation specialists. This means they sort do the “clean-up” of the dirty side of business. Capisci? I hope so because I don’t want to have to grind at you, you know?
Great! So let’s move on to something I want to talk about…

Recently, you ALL loved to learn about the Chicago Hot Dogs. We had some good chatter going on. Then you liked the Immigration theme. I love America!

Now I want to talk to you about Chicago personalities…some are very outstanding for their talent and achievements; some are or were notorious and infamous; others are just there because they brought us humor and smiles. But each one that I will talk about over the next few “blogs” will be somebody special. Some have passed on, others are retired, but they are, every one of them, characters that truly are the heart of what we know as our Chicago. Feel free to write a note to Joey C, (that’s me) with other names, if you want.

So, for now, I give you the first name – and he’s not even a paisan. What a smart and funny guy. He was a terrific writer and columnist. He would have been a GREAT wiseguy! That was Mike Royko. Nobody could hit harder with words than that guy. He called it like he saw it. Maybe we didn’t always agree with him, but we liked the way he delivered his message. Royko and Billy Goat Tavern – a flood of memories. More Chicagoans learned about Chicago from Royko on the “el”, the subway, and on the john – reading his great columns. He wrote about it all. God bless Mike Royko. I think a young up and coming guy is J Kass at the Tribune. He might just turn into a kind of Royko one of these days.

Royko shared the spotlight with another great newspaper writer, Irv Kupcinet, aka “Kup”. He usually had all the popular people mentioned BEFORE they even knew they were popular. Sometimes a word from “Kup” made them so. Take time to remember these good guys.

Pssst, they even wrote about some of my goombahs and amici – you know what I mean.
Sammy, Joe Batters, Joey O’Brien, Little Tony, The Nose, Paulie “The Waiter” and like that. Hey, I got a sense of humor. I laughed too. After all, I had no beef with the Boys, and no dead fish were on my doorstep. Hah!

Okay! Til next time, all of youse, be good and keep your noses clean. Call your Mamma and say your prayers at night! You are never too old for that. That’s what my Nonna Bella Lucia used to say and she knew EVERYTHING, may she rest in peace!

Ciao, Amici, Paisani, Goombahs and pals – That’s that!
Oh yeah, Concetta says let us know how you like Domino’s connoli if you get any – cannoli, I mean.

Your good pal,
Joey Clams

p.s.
You can get a Joey Clams tee shirt now – How about THAT?! Minaccia!

The Daily Grind (Italian Style)

Barbecue Bob — Tue, 18 Apr 2006 19:36:00 +0000

Hello, again, Paisani, Amici and all my good pals.
Sorry it took me a little time to write to youse all again. As you can see, I am calling this part of my letter “The Daily Grind.” Well, I ain’t talking about coffee. I am talking about Concetta, my bella gummare. She gives a whole new meaning to the word “GRIND”. Marron! Anyway, she has been telling me to sit my big cullo down and write about some friends of ours in Chicago. About a month ago I told some California buddies of mine about the wonderful cakes and pastries and cannoli that come from Chicago…especially from the best Italian pastry place in ALL of Chicagoland…DOMINO’S PASTRIES. I have written about this before. One of you wanted me to put up a recipe for making cannoli at home. I never did it, although I have one that my Bella Nonna Lucia used to have from around 1900 over in Italy before she came over. But, friends, LISTEN UP! Cannoli, to do right, takes special skill, special talent and a lot of care. Teresa, Patty, and everybody at Domino Pastry have been carrying on the tradition for more years than I care to tell you. My First Communion cake, my kids’ Baptism cakes, special Wedding cakes for my famiglia and also for the families of my associates. I can’t believe I am sitting here, a MADE GUY, writing to you about cannoli. But I am – Two reasons: I love saying a few nice words about good people who do good things. They work hard. They produce. When there is no Domino’s, well, I’ll stop eating cannoli. By the way, my crew also orders the cakes, pannettone and cannoli for after funeral dinners at the family home. Those things are very important in Italian life. The second reason is that Concetta is standing here looking over my shoulder to correct my spelling and my English. She wants me to take stuff out, put other stuff in, and like that. BASTA! That’s what I tell her. I say that to my guys and they all make a good cagatta because I mean business. I say it to Concetta and she laughs. Talk about no respect.
But I really love the little braciol’! Back to my story…

The Cannoli got delivered overnight. They were a special Easter treat for some nuns in California. They got such a delight from the joy of eating a pastry that I, Joey, took for granted for so many years. A little caffe, a shot of anisette and a good cannoli. It don’t get no better than that. I KNOW that’s not good grammar, but that’s how I express myself.

So, before I write my next chapter of stuff for you Chicago pals to read, remember to find Domino’s Pastry Shop on Harlem Avenue. Call Patty or Teresa at 773/889-3708 to get the hours they are open. Tell ‘em that Joey Clams sends big bacioni and saluti. A few of my goombahs will be going there to order some graduation cakes for their kids. Can you imagine that? A goombah with kids graduating from Loyola and Northwestern. Only in America, my friends, only in America. God bless her!

Ciao, and keep reading. My next little note will be coming in a few hours.
And that’s that!

You Say Chocolate, I Say Cioccolato

Barbecue Bob — Thu, 02 Mar 2006 19:32:00 +0000

Okay, everybody has been raggin’ at me to put something chocolate in here. So this time, I asked my sister-in-law, Maddalena Ruffino to share with us one of her favorite chocolate creations. Now Maddalena is really a busy lady. She and her husband, Salvatore (Sal “Marbles”) have 5 kids and Sal’s Mammina who lives with them. That means Maddalena doesn’t have a lot of time for some of the everyday cooking. She said that her kids love this dessert and if she puts whipped cream on it, dinner guests think it’s outstanding, y’know? Okay, so here’s the recipe which is called “Vesuvio Cioccolato” or Chocolate Vesuvius.

To all of you my goombahs, amici and paisani: This is so easy, even Joey Clams made it once. Now YOU try it! (Thanks, bella Maddalena!)

1 Devil's Food Cake mix
1 pkg instant chocolate pudding mix (4 serving size)
4 eggs
8 oz. sour cream
1 Cup water
3/4 Cup Vegetable oil
Chocolate chips

Combine all ingredients & mix well. Add as many chocolate chips as you like. You can even use the entire bag. Put it all in a well greased crock-pot & cook (covered) on high for 3-4 hours or low 7-8 hours. Watch closely as some crock-pots cook hotter than others. Use a cake tester to see when cake is done. If you don’t have a fancy cake tester, then use a wooden toothpick or even a straw from the broom. Super when served with ice cream! Great with whipped cream! Add a touch of rum as a “twist”, or anisette, or Frangelico…or give the “Vesuvio” to the kids and drink the anisette yourself!

Next time, I will be giving you all another treat, something my Nonna Bella Lucia used to make. It’s tough to make, but my Concetta tells me I’m a buffone (fool) if I don’t at least give you something super speciale. That means that very soon I will give you the family recipe for CANNOLI. Yes, I will do that BEFORE Easter so you can try to make them. Personally, I call Domino’s or the Dominick’s Foods in Chicagoland or The Cannoli King from Brooklyn. (Yo, “Wheels”, how ya’doin”?) But I’ve got to make real sure that nobody’s going to really get agida if I give out this recipe.

Joey on Immigration

Barbecue Bob — Wed, 05 Apr 2006 13:35:00 +0000

Okay, guys! There's been a LOTTA talk about immigrants, being here in the U.S. of A. legally or otherwise. Well, Joey does NOT like to get into ANY political stuff. BUT, as the son of immigrants, I need to put something out there about America and those who come here to enjoy the bounty and opportunity she provides to all. I would like for you to read something President Teddy Roosevelt said in 1907. It is STILL good today! And that's that!
Basta with the talk about rights and privilege! What about work, honor, accountability? I, Joey, get very agitat' when I hear anybody WHINING. Guys I knew got whacked for doing that stuff.

Theodore Roosevelt on Immigrants and being an AMERICAN in 1907.

"In the first place we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the man's becoming in very fact an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag, and this excludes the red flag, which symbolizes all wars against liberty and civilization, just as much as it excludes any foreign flag of a nation to which we are hostile...We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

Theodore Roosevelt 1907

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Today's Recipe

Risotto with Scallops in a Spicy Tomato Sauce

This recipe serves: 4
Preparation time: 25 minutes
Cooking time: 50 minutes

Ingredients
For the risotto:
about 2 and 2/3 cups low-sodium chicken broth (low-sodium because it’s good for you that way. If you’re outta low sodium, go ahead and use the regular broth, but next time, use the right ingredients.)
2 teaspoons olive oil – Remember what Joey said? Use the GOOD stuff.
1/3 cup diced onions
1 cup Arborio rice (that’s Italian, for sure)
1/3 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese (imported – not the stuff that tastes like ground up erasers).

For the scallops and sauce:
1 teaspoon olive oil – ONLY the BEST will do!
1 tablespoon mustard seeds
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 small onion, minced
2 cups chopped, diced tomatoes
1/4 cup chicken stock
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard, or to taste
salt to taste - HEY! Don’t overo it!
freshly ground black pepper
1 pound bay scallops

Cooking Instructions
For the risotto:
1. Heat the stock in a saucepan and keep hot over low heat.
2. Heat the olive oil over medium heat in a separate medium-sized pot. Add the onion and cook for 2 to 3 minutes, until the onion turns translucent.
3. Add the rice to the onion mixture and stir.
4. Turn the heat to low, add about 1 cup of the hot stock to the rice mixture, and stir slowly until the stock is absorbed.
5. Continue to add the stock 1 cup at a time, stirring slowly, letting the rice absorb the stock before adding more.
6. The risotto is cooked when it is creamy on the outside and slightly firm (al dente) in the center. Stir in the Parmesan cheese and keep warm. Season with salt and pepper to taste. If the risotto is too thick, add a little more stock until it becomes creamy.

For the scallops and sauce:
1. In a large sauté pan over medium-high heat, add the mustard seeds, shaking the pan to keep them from burning. Once they begin to pop (like popcorn), lower the heat and add the olive oil and onions.
2. Cook the onions for about 5 minutes until they turn golden, then add the garlic and cook until it begins to soften. Add the tomatoes, 1/4 cup of the stock and, if desired, the Dijon mustard. Simmer for about 5 minutes for the flavors to blend.
3. Rinse the scallops and remove the thick, tough muscle on the sides of the scallops. Pat the scallops dry with a paper towel.
4. Add the scallops to the tomato sauce and turn up the heat to medium. mCook the scallops in the sauce for about 5 minutes.
5. Transfer the risotto to warm serving bowls and serve with the sauce.

BELIEVE ME, PALS AND PAISANI, THIS IS A GREAT COLD WEATHER, LENTEN MEAL. EASY TO FIX AND EASY TO EAT! BUON APETITO!

Old Chicago Dogs

Barbecue Bob — Fri, 24 Feb 2006 03:01:00 +0000

Well, my friends, Joey wants to share some of the real Old Chicago with you.
All of us from when we were kids in the old West Side right to even now – North Side, suburbs, South Siders, Cubs or White Sox Fans, North Shore, and Wiseguys or Mooks – We all still enjoy a Chicago Dog more than just about any other casual eats. Rule Numero Uno, (that’s Number One to you) is USE ONLY VIENNA BEEF!! If you use any other stuff, NO GOOD! So here’s your way to successful Chicago Dining. I’m going to call my good buddies at Vienna and ask ‘em how you guys can get your hands on the best beef in the U.S. of A.

VIENNA® BEEF CHICAGO STYLE HOT DOG – and NOTHING ELSE will do!
Chicago Style Hot Dog

Heat in water, steam, grill or microwave to 170°F. Place the authentic Vienna® Beef Hot Dog in a steamed poppyseed bun. Then pile on the toppings in this order:

1. Yellow Mustard
2. Bright Green Relish
3. Fresh Chopped Onions
4. Two Tomato Wedges

5. A Kosher Pickle Spear
6. Two Sport Peppers (careful!)
7. A Dash of Celery Salt

Steamed Buns

Tip: For perfectly steamed buns, place a damp towel in the bottom of your steam table. Poke a few holes in the bun package and steam until buns are soft and warm.

A Salute to my Polish Goombahs – True Pals of Joey C.

VIENNA® BEEF MAXWELL STREET POLISH DOGS – THE BEST IN THE WORLD!!

With a sharp knife score both ends with an X or score diagonally along every inch of a Vienna® Beef Polish Sausage (either a 6-inch or footlong cut in half). Grill or deep fry to a crispy, charcoal brown to release the distinct and delicious flavor. Place in a steamed poppyseed bun or warm roll and top with the following condiments:

Yellow or Dusseldorf Mustard

Grilled Onions (See “Tip” below)

Garnish with Sport Peppers

Tip: To grill onions, add a teaspoon of sugar to each whole sliced onion. Then add a pat of butter or grill with the natural juices from the Polish Sausage to give the onions a sweet taste and an even gold brown color.

Now a big L’Chaim to my Jewish Amici from the Old Neighborhood

VIENNA® BEEF CORNED BEEF REUBEN
You’ll think you died and went to Heaven after this!

1. Preheat ungreased frying pan over low heat.

2. For each sandwich, lightly butter two slices of rye, pumpernickel or bread of your choice on both sides.

3. Spread Thousand Island dressing on top and bottom slices of bread, and place the following ingredients on top of dressing on bottom slice: corned beef, sauerkraut, a slice of Swiss cheese and the top slice of bread.

4. Grill sandwich on one side for 1-2 minutes, being careful to adjust heat so as not to burn bread.

5. Flip entire sandwich over and grill the other side for 1-2 minutes. Continue until bread is toasted and Swiss cheese is melted.

6. Cut and serve hot.

Tip: Vienna Corned Beef is delicious hot or cold. Serve leftover corned beef on rye with mustard.

By the way, Vienna does NOT pay Joey C. for this plug. They just make the best and that is what makes the Chicago Dog the best in the world…respectfully speaking to all my good buddies, and other family members in St. Louis, L.A., New York, Jersey and Boston. I know they think they got the best in those cities too, and they DO have some GREAT food. BUT, the Chicago Dog is always the one and only Chicago Dog. Yeah!!

Si Mangia Bene (One Eats Well)

Barbecue Bob — Thu, 17 Mar 2005 20:13:00 +0000

Okay, I took some serious heat from Concetta the other day. She got bent because I didn’t put a recipe in here. So, I’m gonna do that right now. Here’s the deal, though. It’s always a good idea to learn about what you’re doing, right? My “capo” always made run through a deal before we did it. Y’know, observe - practice – DO! (When I had to hit the streets to “collect”, believe me, ya’ gotta know what you’re doing or you can get seriously “giangazz”.) I got a couple of little “pezzi” (pieces) of info that I’ll share BEFORE I give youse the recipe. Capeesh? Good. Any questions? Write to me, as I ain’t no chef or mindreader. Try not to ask long ass “caffone” questions. Think first! Got it?

This recipe is from Puglia – the “spur” of the boot. Bare, Brindisi and Taranto are the big cities there and have produced some fine pasta, olive oil and wine – not to mention some very decent wiseguys – all friends and outstanding business associates. [God bless Vito,
Needles, Ricco and Little Donnie (Rest in peace, Donnie-boy!) – all from Puglia by way of the Bronx and Chicago.]

There is a legend that the town of Lecce produces a sausage called “sanguinaccio” that is so good that about 3 centuries ago, the people there used it to cut deals in order to get their hands on ONE Roman column (at Brindisi) which marks the end of the Appian Way. The Romans wanted the sanguinaccio AND the recipe, so they went along with the deal. Nobody got whacked or had any accidents because everybody got what they wanted. Good deal and I can see why my Pugliese paisani are so good in our “business” ventures.

Now you know a little bit about Puglia – a really nice place.

One of Puglia’s great products is macaroni…so fine that it has an old saying which is like a prayer: “Christe mi, fa chiove la maccarrune e le chianghe de le logge fatt’a ragu”. This means (in dialect): “My Lord, make it rain macaoni and turn the verandah rails into ragu.” (Remember a REAL wiseguy never calls it sauce!!)

Pesce al Forno
(Baked Fish)
4 Red snapper about 12 oz. each - with head and tail on.
4 Tablespoons of olive oil (GOOD stuff)
4 Tablespoons of red wine vinegar
½ teaspoon of salt
½ teaspoon finely ground black pepper
(use a pepper mill, magari!)
24 black olives, pitted and coarsely chopped

Coat the snapper with oil, vinegar, salt and pepper – inside
and out. Stuff with olives. Bake in over preheated to 425 degrees
in a shallow dish or skillet for 20 minutes. Baste a couple of
times with pan drippings. Serve hot.

Consider serving “Locorotondo”, an excellent dry, delicate vino bianco

Hey!

Barbecue Bob — Sun, 11 Sep 2005 02:28:00 +0000

Hey, Ciao and How ya' doin' to all my good buddies and goombahs!

It's me again, back from some time in my city, Chicago! As you all know, that is where I made my bones (as we say in wiseguy talk) and became a "made" guy. If you don't understand that, then I can't explain it, because maybe you shouldn't be reading wiseguy news.

By the way, to answer a question that a couple o' you guys have asked, here's the answer: “No, I never been a "rat" and I did NOT do any testifying for nobody. Got it? I am a businessman and that's that!"

Okay, so let me tell you what’s happening back there. It was a business write-off, as we had a big meeting of all of the "famiglie" (families). Look! Even though I am semi-retired, and Concetta got me doing this JoeyClams.com thing, I still got obligations, if you know what I mean.

The boys have been following the stuff on the site and told me to clean up my English, as I was using a lot of "dese, 'dem and "dose, instead of these, them and those. So, "scusi" (excuse me) if I don’t do so hot with English, ok? Good!

Anyway, the city looked GREAT! I went to Harlem Ave. and stopped by Domino's Bakery. Madonna mia! There is no finer Italian pastry on this earth then what you get there by that bella signora. From when I was a kid, Domino’s is where we got all of the cannoli, the cannoli/rum cakes, the amaretti, the biscotti… Magari! I bought 10 cannoli and ate 5 of 'em in the car before I left.

Then I went to 3 different beef and pepper sandwich joints. What can I say?! The world needs to have more beef stands. The best combo, however, was the beef, sweet pepper and sausage sandwich. Ya' eat one of those with a lemon Italian ice and you are good to go at lunchtime.

Well, never let it be said, the fine dining we did at my cugino's place, "The Italian Village" on Monroe Street in the Loop. If you go there, you tell Ray Capitanini or Ray Sgro that Joey Clams' cousin, Lucia, sent you to his place. That has been around for 75 years. Good people, great food! You can eat in the "villagio" upstairs. I took Concetta. We got a private little "buca" and had veal scallopine and a good vino. There is also the "Cantina" which is like a whole other restaurant and then still another elegant place there, too. So, you mooks can get it – there’s really THREE restaurants in one spot.

Of course, after the various meetings and financial reports on the "family" businesses, we discussed how to improve sales (aka "muscle") loan interest (aka "the vig") and client repayment plans (aka "Nunzio the Collector"). Then, because we all ate like maiali (pigs), we all had about 1 gallon of Brioschi. Don’t please tell me you caffoni don’t know what Brioschi is! If you don’t know, then write me an e-mail and I'll tell you.

So, I left my great city…and came back to here where I live. I think that one day I’m gonna go back. I miss the food, the people, even the tempo cattivo (bad weather). I’m also thinking about writing more about visiting some of the old paisani back there and seeing the old house what my Nonno Angelo built. Che uomo! Whattaguy! Anyways, this is just a quick little "notizia" so you don’t think I forgot about ya'.

Also, tante grazie for the many sales of the BadaBing Pizza recipe! If you wanna get another recipe, let me know what you want, and I’ll get it from old Nonna’s cookbook.

Right now, I gotta go to the backhouse and read the paper. If I don’t do it there, then I ain't ever gonna get the news, capeesh?

Okay, Ragazzi…Ciao for now and saluti a tutti voi! Special greetings to my amici from the Mediterranean.

(That means, Okay guys…good-bye for now and greetings to all of you!)

Your buddy and buon'amico,
Joey Clams

Valentine's Day

Barbecue Bob — Mon, 06 Feb 2006 21:21:00 +0000

Hey, Goombahs, Paisani and Amici!

Ciao and how ya’ doin’? It’s been a little while since I wrote to youse guys and gave you any news, recipes or other notizie from the famiglia. Okay, then – here’s the latest. As you know, February is the month of Valentines and that means love and happiness. Well, mostly, that’s a fact. But for a few of us and some of the old-timers, it is also a month when we heist a few in memory of that black day in Chicago in 1929. It was the Big Deal St. Valentine’s Day Massacre. Magari! That was awful. I even wrote out what they say about that day, but I added what some of the old moustaches say, the old OLD wiseguys, that is. So I am giving you a little history from both sides, and then a little bit of stuff about AMORE for San Valentino, the great patron of love. PLUS you are getting a recipe for super fettuccine and that is a freebie from your paisano Joey Clams, which is me! While you’re thinking about it, why not buy my famous recipe for Bada-Bing Pizza, the absolute authentic pizza pie?! I mean, I give youse great wiseguy stuff for free. The least you mooks can do is buy a pizza recipe (including the sauce). Heeeeeeey! I’m semi-retired, y’know? I gotta bring home the zort, the green, the cash…so order the pizza stuff, got it? Okay, then. Sometimes, I get arrabbiatto, eh? This is good stuff I’m givin’ here.
I wanted to give youse a nice touch and add a dessert, but y’know, the BEST dessert for the day of love would be cannoli. These are ricotta-pastry filled shells. Deliziosi! But that might make youse hate me ‘cause it is hard, HARD to make. I asked my gummare, Concetta, to make cannoli for me one time and she gave me a big “schiaffo in faccia” with the pizza peel. Not a good thing and my teeth still hurt! Yeah, Yeah, I AM a wiseguy, semi-retired, but I don’t ever hit a lady – especially not my bella Concetta. So, I’m tellin’ youse now – If you are lucky enough to be in Chicago or able to pay for shipping, go to or call “Domino’s” bakery on Harlem Avenue. There is no cannoli like theirs anywhere in the world. Well, there is also Mikey “Wheels” Parise who is the Cannoli King from Brooklyn. So those two are THE BEST! Domino’s is where my Nonna Bella Lucia and my own Mamma ordered my Baptism cake, First Communion cake, and all the BIG DEAL DAY cakes and cannoli since I can’t say when. Bravo, Domino’s! My gummare’s dear friend, Annie “the Nuch”, lost her own mamma recently and the cake for the gathering afterwards came from there, too. So here’s a toast to La Bella Francesca Nuccio, the day of true amore and to the made guys who are now long gone (Rest in Peace, Ragazzi! It was no personal deal, just business as we know.) and a big “salute” to amore and bacioni.

St. Valentine's Day Massacre

One cold February night on Chicago’s north side, seven well-dressed men were found riddled with bullets inside the S.M.C Cartage Co. garage. They were lined up against a wall, with their backs to their executioners and shot to death. With the exception of Dr. R. H. Schwimmer, these men were mobsters working under gangster, bootlegger and florist, "Bugs" Moran. Within a few brief seconds, staring at the garage wall, these seven became a part of Valentine's Day history: the notorious St. Valentine's Day Massacre.

It was the height of prohibition and the never-ending feud between gangster rivals Al "Scarface" Capone and George "Bugs" Moran. Bloody street battles were nothing new to Chicago. But investigators found the Valentine's Day Massacre unusual. The victims were mobsters, with an arsenal of weapons and well-known for brutality. Why did they, of all people, turn their backs and face the wall without putting up a fight?

A big question came about after an eyewitness gave her account of what happened on that night in 1929. She lived directly across the street and had a perfect view of the garage. She said she saw two policemen exit the garage, escorting two plain-clothed men who held their hands up in the air, as if under arrest.

This naturally comforted the shaken woman, thinking the loud gunfire she just heard had been resolved and those responsible were being taken to jail. But the Chicago police had no record of any such activity at 2122 Clark Street until they arrived on the scene to find the horrifying blood bath.

As for suspects, a bloodbath like this presents many opinions. In the case of The St. Valentine's Day Massacre, the person with the most motive was very well known. Although he claimed to be in Florida at the time, Al Capone was the one and only suspect.

Capone had become the crime czar of Chicago, running gambling, prostitution and bootlegging rackets while expanding his territories eliminating his rivals. Capone's fortune was thought to be about $60,000,000. This gave Al Capone one of the most probable motives in crime history. He had to remove "Bugs" Moran at any cost. As another one of Chicago’s notorious bad guys, Moran was not easy to get rid of. To remove his biggest rival, perhaps it was Capone who started at the bottom and got rid of Moran's outfit, isolating him.

When the bodies were found splattered on the floor of the Clark Street garage, it seemed that no one could have survived. But this proved not to be the case, when an investigator at the site found Frank Gusenberg lying in the midst of the bloody bodies, with labored breathing and choking on his own blood. Immediately, Gusenberg was taken to the hospital. Authorities waited anxiously for their only lead to wake up and name those who were responsible. They feared, naturally, that Gusenberg would die before they could question him, but he was finally able to speak.

When asked for the identity of the killer, he simply stated, "I'm not talkin’." Then he laid back and died. Without Gusenberg's vital testimony and only a few witnesses outside the garage, the police returned to the scene to try to solve the crime with the information they had.

After a re-enactment, authorities concluded that two men merely pretended to be policemen and entered the garage acting as if they were on a routine investigation. The Moran gang believed that they were policemen. Clearly, they suspected nothing with the two men or they certainly would have never been killed without a fight. Yet, as it was, the mobsters seemed to cooperate with the “officers.” They then allowed them to take their weapons and force them against the wall. When their backs were turned, the two men in plain clothes entered with guns and callously mowed them down.

The eye witnesses were almost accurate when they said they saw two policemen arresting two men. What they really saw was four brutal murderers making a cleverly planned getaway. If a neighbor happened to look out after such rapid and explosive gunfire, they would be immediately at ease thinking everything to be under control. And it surely was. The killers drove away, long before anyone called the police. After all, weren’t the police already there?

It has also been rumored that police were, in fact, involved. Since many politicians and police officials were “on the take,” there is no problem in understanding another version of the Massacre. Likewise, Gusenberg, vulnerable in his hospital bed, may well have feared the interrogating police officers beside him, as much as he feared any rival gang.

No murder mystery is complete without a clear conclusion. In the case of the St. Valentine's Day Massacre, there is every element of mystery, except an ending. Al Capone was never arrested for the crimes. The mysterious gunmen were not identified, and Capone never revealed anything. At best, he was indicted for tax evasion some years later. He spent seven years in prison and was released to retire in Florida, where he died from syphilis in 1947.

Truly, the St. Valentine's Day Massacre is the absolute mystery up to the end. Capone never commented on the events of the massacre, but he may have referenced his future plans for that bloody day in 1929. A few months before the murders, Capone mentioned to a “colleague” that he would take out Moran. He was told by the "colleague" that he would have to kill a lot of guys in order to get to "Bugs.” It is popular lore that Capone simply said, "I'll send flowers." But then again, maybe he said, “I’ll send cops”.

This month's recipe:

Fetuccine with Fresh Tomato Basil Sauce

This recipe serves: 4 Preparation time: 10 minutes Cooking time: 45 minutes

Ingredients
1 tablespoon olive oil – and remember what I told ya’ – Use the GOOD oil – the extra virgin stuff.
1 cup finely chopped onions – FINELY chopped – not CHUNKS like some pazzo
1 large clove garlic, minced – minced means PICCOLO PICCOLO – Capeesh?
3 pounds very ripe plum tomatoes (about 15 tomatoes) – Yeah! FIFTEEN and they’ve gotta be the plum tomatoes – NO SUBSTITUTIONS!
1/4 cup finely chopped fresh basil – If you get this in a jar, you’re gonna get whacked, I promise!
Grate one medium carrot - Do NOT use any sugar or you get whacked TWICE!
1/2 teaspoon salt maybe a little less.
12 ounces fettuccine - imported from the old country.
1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese – IMPORTED, Bella, remember that!
8 fresh basil leaves, for garnish

Cooking Instructions – Fai Attenzione!
1. In a medium sized saucepan, heat the olive oil over medium heat. Add the onions and cook, stirring occasionally, until they begin to soften, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic and cook for 1 more minute. Don’t overcook it or the garlic will burn and mess up the whole thing.
2. Add the tomatoes, bring to a simmer, cover and cook for 30 minutes, stirring once in a while, but pay attention to it. Don’t sit on the phone for mezz’ora and forget the stuff, okay? If you do that, then the acid will be all you taste…and you deserve it!
3. Add the basil, carrot, salt, and simmer, uncovered, until the sauce thickens, about 15 minutes more. Add a very tiny pinch of pepper if you feel like it.
4. Meanwhile, bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Put some olive oil in the water and the pasta won’t ever stick to the pot. Add the fettuccine and cook until it is al dente, about 8 to 10 minutes. Drain. You check for done by throwing one piece of pasta against the wall. If it sticks, it’s done. NOT TOO DOUGHY! DON’T OVERCOOK!!!
5. Return the pasta to the pot it was cooked in and toss it with the tomato-basil sauce. Divide the pasta among 4 serving bowls, sprinkle with Parmesan cheese, garnish with fresh basil leaves, and serve immediately.

Nutrition Facts
Serving Size: 1 bowl with sauce Dietary Fiber 7 g
Calories 379 Sodium 446 mg
Total Fat 8 g Calories from Fat 18%
Saturated Fat 2 g Calories from Protein 14%
Protein 15 g Calories from Carbohydrate 67%
Total Carbohydrate 68 g

Saint Valentine's Story

Barbecue Bob — Tue, 14 Feb 2006 23:30:00 +0000

Let me introduce you to the true story of a great guy from years back and far away - even farther than Chicago or Brooklyn. His name is Valentine. He was a very decent goombah in Rome about 1800 years ago..Marron! Was that ever a long time ago! I think that in my family, only Zia Mafalda was alive at that time. Back then, the Don of Rome was big caffone by the name of Claudius. Valentine didn't like him whatsoever, and he wasn't the only paisano that didn't care for his way of running a crew or a mob! A lot of people thought so. He kept too much of the money, and didn't do right by his crew, if youse know what I mean.

Claudius wanted to have the biggest operation in Rome -- actually in all of Italy. He expected the guys to want to be on his crew for nothin'. The ones that didn't want to sign up had ugly stuff happen, y'know? They did not want to leave their neighborhoods or work for nothin'. As you can imagine, a lot of the goombahs ran off and some got whacked for not signin' up. This made Claudius go nuts. So what happens? He gets a real crazy idea. He figures that if the guys ain't married, they wouldn't care about not bein' on Claudius' s crew. So this mook decides to mess up all the weddings. The young recruits thought his idea was really N.G. (that's NO GOOD!) Personally, Valentine thought Claudius must have got into some bad vino or somethin' like that. I agree.

He was no made guy. As a matter of fact he was a priest. His favorite thing was to marry the young people. Even after Don Claudius passed his goofball law, he kept on doing the weddings all over - from Rome to Naples to Palermo -- secretly, of course. It was pretty exciting stuff. Imagine a small candlelit room with only the bride, the groom and him. He'd whisper the all the words listening all the while for the steps of the big Don's enforcers. He was nuts about love!

One night, one of the wedding gigs and the couple heard footsteps. That was bad news! But grazie to God, the couple getting maritat' escaped in time. But our boy Valentine got caught. (Not quite as light on my feet as he thought, eh?) Right away, Valentine gets tossed in the joint and told that he's gonna get seriously whacked.

He tried to stay upbeat. And you know what? Somethin' good happened. Many young people came to visit him. They threw flowers and notes up to his window. They wanted Valentine to know that they believed in love just like him. He was big sap for AMORE!

One of these young people was the daughter of one of the screws in the joint. Her father told her to visit me. Sometimes he would sit and talk for a coupla hours. She was a decent kid and helped Valentine keep his spirits up. She agreed that he did the right thing by ignoring the Godfather, Don Claudius and going ahead with the secret weddings. On the day he was to die, left his friend a little note thanking her for being a good pal and for showing respect. He signed it, "Love, from your Valentine."

I think that note started the whole Valentine thing. It was written on the day he died, February 14, 269 A.D. Now, every year on this day, everybody remembers. But mostly, they think about love and friendship. And when they think of that nasty Don Claudius, they remember how he tried to stand in the way of love, and they laugh -- because they know that love can't be beaten - not even by a nasty Don like Claudius!

Valentine Traditions

Hundreds of years ago in England, many children dressed up as adults on Valentine's Day. They went singing from home to home. One verse they sang was:

Good morning to you, valentine;
Curl your locks as I do mine---
Two before and three behind.
Good morning to you, valentine.

In Wales wooden love spoons were carved and given as gifts on February 14th. Hearts, keys and keyholes were favorite decorations on the spoons. The decoration meant, "You unlock my heart!"

In the Middle Ages, young men and women drew names from a bowl to see who their valentines would be. They would wear these names on their sleeves for one week. To wear your heart on your sleeve now means that it is easy for other people to know how you are feeling.

In some countries, a young woman may receive a gift of clothing from a young man. If she keeps the gift, it means she will marry him.

Some people used to believe that if a woman saw a robin flying overhead on Valentine's Day, it meant she would marry a sailor. If she saw a sparrow, she would marry a poor man and be very happy. If she saw a goldfinch, she would marry a millionaire.

A love seat is a wide chair. It was first made to seat one woman and her wide dress. Later, the love seat or courting seat had two sections, often in an S-shape. In this way, a couple could sit together -- but not too closely!

Think of five or six names of boys or girls you might marry, As you twist the stem of an apple, recite the names until the stem comes off. You will marry the person whose name you were saying when the stem fell off.

Pick a dandelion that has gone to seed. Take a deep breath and blow the seeds into the wind. Count the seeds that remain on the stem. That is the number of children you will have.

If you cut an apple in half and count how many seeds are inside, you will also know how many children you will have.

Happy New Year!

Barbecue Bob — Tue, 03 Jan 2006 18:10:00 +0000

Happy New Year to all my Amici, Paisans, Wiseguys and the rest of Youse who are my Loyal Buddies!

Well, here it is 2006! Where does the time go, eh? Another good year of work – here and with the “famiglia” back in Chicago where, by now, you know is my home base and where I report, even though I’m sorta semi-retired.

Anyway, I want to let you all know about something that needs to be explained once and for all. I got some good friends, nice Italian girls who have a spot on the Internet. It’s called www.CrAzYBaGLaDiEs.com and some people think that they are making fun of poor old ladies. Not true! These bella bambinas are my good pals. In our Wiseguy World, which is of considerable size, there are certain jobs and the guys who do the work of carrying money, picking up the money, dropping off the money and like that, are called BAGMEN. So, since my gummares, Claudia and Lucia are about as connected as two ladies can be, we all thought that to be cute, they could be BAGLADIES. Now because they are always comin’ up with funny ideas and stuff, we wiseguys always call ‘em “Ubazz” which is a dialect for “Crazy” – When I heard about their web site, We all laughed over some “vino” and I think it was Sammy Bones who said, “Hey, Girls! Why don’t you just call yourselves the CrAzYBaGLaDiEs?!” We all laughed ‘cause Sammy is a real buffone (clown). But it was a good name. So that’s where why they’re called that, capeesh? Man, everyone is so touchy about everything. In Highwood, and the West Side, where we come from, nobody is like that. Just laugh, have some vino, some good food, and a bella cagatta and tutto sara bene. And THAT IS THAT!

Now, I’m gonna say “Ciao” for now. I’ve got to take Concetta to the doctor. She ate so many fig cookies yesterday she overdid the “cagatta” stuff and now her cullo hurts like hell. So she’s crabby and really grinding me bad…You guys know what I mean when they start the “grind”. So now she’s makin’ my coglioni shrink. Do you believe this?! Be good and I’ll have more for Valentine’s Day. Meanwhile, go see your Mamma, treat her nice and don’t forget to make a visit to the cemetery to see your pals and relatives who have gone on to Paradiso.

The Legend of Befana

Barbecue Bob — Thu, 22 Dec 2005 15:46:00 +0000

THE LEGEND OF BEFANA

The twelve days of Christmas begin on Christmas Day and end on January 6, which is called the Day of Three Kings or Feast of Epiphany, and also Little Christmas. Befana, an old woman, is said to bring gifts to children, hoping that one of them is the Child King that she refused to acknowledge years ago. As the legend goes, Befana lived near Bethlehem. One night while preparing her supper of beans and bread, she heard a knock at the door. Before her stood the three kings in search of the Christ child. They asked Befana if she knew where He could be found. "I know of no king," she told them and quickly shut the door. As time passed, Befana kept thinking about the strange visitors and their quest to find the Christ child. So, with a sack filled with bread, she set out on her own in hopes of finding the child king. Every time she saw a baby boy, she broke off a crust of bread and gave it to the child, hoping that he might be the Child.
To this day, Befana is still wandering the towns and villages looking for Him. Every year on the Feast of the Three Kings, the children of Italy await the arrival of Befana, who still leaves each child a small gift.
This cake is traditionally made for the Feast of the Three Kings. Before the cake is baked, a large dried bean is added to the dough. The cake is presented on a crown and whoever receives the slice with the bean is king (or queen) for the day.

LA BEFANA CAKE
(Serves 5 wiseguys or 8-10 normal people)

1-1/4 cups raisins
1/2 cup diced candied lemon peel
1/2 cup diced candied orange peel
1/4 cup brandy
1 TB. dry yeast
1/2 cup warm water (110-115 degrees F)
5 cups flour
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 tsp. salt
1 TB. grated lemon zest
8 TB. unsalted butter, room temperature
2 eggs
1/2 cup warm milk
1/2cup chopped almonds
1 large dried bean
1 egg yolk
2 TB. coarse brown sugar
Put the raisins in a bowl, cover with warm water and set aside.

In another bowl, combine the candied lemon and orange peels
and brandy and set aside.

In another bowl, dissolve the yeast in ½ cup of warm water.

Add 1 cup of flour and mix until a sponge dough is formed.

Cover the bowl with clear plastic wrap.

Let the sponge dough rise in a warm place for about 20 minutes.

In a food processor, combine 4 cups of flour, sugar, salt, and lemon zest.

Add the butter, eggs, and milk. Process to form a stiff dough.

Add the risen sponge dough and process until well combined.

Turn the dough onto a lightly floured surface and knead a few minutes and smooth.

Grease a large bowl, place the dough in and turn it once to coat both sides.

Cover with a towel and let rise in a warm place for 1 hour or until doubled in size.

Butter a 10 x 3-1/2 inch deep round cake pan.

Drain the raisins and candied citrus peels, reserving the brandy. Pat the fruit dry.

Punch down the dough. Turn the dough onto a lightly floured surface.

Pat the dough into a large rectangle.

Sprinkle the raisins, candied peels, almonds and dried bean over the dough.

Form the dough into a ball and knead to distribute the fruits and nuts.

Place the dough in the cake pan, cover with a towel.

Let the dough rise in a warm place for 1 hour, or until doubled in size.

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

In a small bowl, combine the egg yolk, and reserved brandy.

Brush the top of the cake with this mixture and sprinkle with the coarse sugar.

Bake 45 minutes until golden brown.

Let the cake cool in the pan for 10 minutes.

Run a knife around the side of the pan to loosen the cake and turn it onto a rack to cool.

To serve, cut in wedges.

Be sure to tell those eating the cake that there is a large bean in someone's slice, so that no one bites into it.

To freeze, wrap in aluminum foil and freeze for up to a month.

Buon Natale!

Barbecue Bob — Thu, 22 Dec 2005 15:45:00 +0000

Buon Natale

Buon Natale, amici e tutti quanti! So – you guys are wondering how wiseguys celebrate Christmas? Well, we do it the same way you mooks do. We spend too much, we eat too much and then we sleep. There is no “official” business on this day.

All wiseguys are “off” on Christmas Day - usually also on Christmas Eve and sometimes on the 26th as well. This is always the “Capo’s” decision. But, Magari! If a guy had his crew working on Christmas, that would make that capo a real carogna, a vigliacco. To run numbers, place bets, make a hit or cagatt’ like that on the actual day of Natale is like spitting in church, y’know? Ya’ gotta deserve a real mal’occhio from The Big Man for that stuff. (When I says “The Big Man”, I ain’t talkin’ about Johnny “Opera Boy” Stellata or Mikey “Thighs” Brancianello. I’m talkin’ the Top Capo, Il Signore (God). Anyways, Concetta and me are going to have a big Christmas Eve “Frutti di Mare” which is a seafood feast. It’s big in Sicily, not up in the north of Italy, but hey – it’s good food. I got no grind with that, y’know? Okay, so, what’s does Uncle Joey got for the bambini and the rest of youse? Well, it’s Christmas for sure and I want to give a nice gift to all my loyal pals who read these little columns, write letters, and so on. I am GIVING you, for a freebie, one of the best recipes of all… I am giving you the recipe for “La Befana Cake”. I know you will be writing to thank me shortly after Christmas. I think this will be as popular as the Bada-Bing Pizza AND the Real Deal Chicago Beef Samwidges. If you or any of your crew don’t know YET what I’m talking about, then stai zito and go take care of business.

I was in Chi Town for Thanksgiving Day. It was, as usual, great.
My capo and all of the guys threw a little party for me, which brought a tear to my eye, I admit. To be semi-retired from this job and to have both legs, arms and eyes – and the right number of fingers and toes – is quite an accomplishment. Me and Concetta went downtown to The Loop. We ate at the Italian Village and at another joint called Tuscany, which is part of the Phil Stefani outfit. Nah, Phil, is no wiseguy. He’s a businessman, just like Ray C. at the Village. Great people, great food. I ate like a maiale – a big pig! One more cannoli and Concetta’s cullo wouldn’t fit in those size 14 pants any more. But she carries the pounds okay – y’know – for being the age she is and like that. She’s still my “bella bambola”, so size 10 or 14, sta’bene anyway. I’ve got to go finish the Christmas shopping, so just go buy the stuff to make the La Befana Cake. Your family will be so glad you made it they’ll probably kiss you extra nice. Be good and don’t borrow money from ANY guy who calls interest “vig” or stares at your kneecaps.

So, BUON NATALE everyone! Merry Christmas! Don’t say that “Happy Holiday” gazz’ at all. It’s CHRISTMAS! Marron!

Your good pal and paisan’,

Joey Clams

More letters to Joey C.

Barbecue Bob — Mon, 14 Mar 2005 09:41:00 +0000

Hey, What’s up? I’ve been getting a lot of letters from all of youse and I want to say “thanks” for your many nice words. I’m glad that the casino is going over with everybody and that you’re havin’ a ball with the slots and the poker. God bless ya’ - for real. From what I can see, all of youse are solid! My commare Concetta had tears in her eyes reading your mail. As a matter of fact, she herself wanted to pick a letter from this week’s mail bag. She wanted to pick all three, but I had to set her straight. So she understands now - This is Joey C’s club and if she don’t like it - don’t let the door hit your cullino on the way out. Basta about that and let’s get to the letters.

By the way, my friend from Avenue U (That’s in Brooklyn for those of youse who don’t know.) - Mikey “Wheels” - is “The Cannoli King”. Pretty soon, I’ll be able to get some deals on those and you can get ‘em shipped all over the country. What about that, huh? ? “Wheels” makes the greatest Cannoli in the world, including Italy. So, hang in for that, capeesh?

Okay, now the Letters to Joey Clams:

Dear Joey,
Where did you get your name?
With respect,
John Salvatore Agnuzzi

Dear Johnny Boy:
Thanks for writing!

I don’t want to talk about my name right now until I can make sure that the people who called me that first - a LONG time ago - don’t mind me telling the story. I’m a connected guy, so’s youse understand that I gotta be careful. That name was given to be by the Capo, the BIG man himself, so I gotta treat it all with respect. For now, let me say it sorta had to do with the guys who sleep with the fishes...but not directly, ‘cause I ain’t no hit guy. So, we’ll save that for later.

However, my Mamma (God bless her!) named me after my Uncle Giuseppe from Cefalu in Sicily and also St. Joseph. We have a big party on March 19th, for St. Joseph Day. The whole neighborhood gets together and everybody brings a platter, y’know? There’s always pasta, frutti di mare (fruits of the sea meaning seafood), ‘shcarol (escarole)and beans, pasta fazool, tortellini, scaloppine, chicken cacciatore, biscotti, cannoli (from “Wheels”), and ricotta cake - and a lot MORE. Magari! It’s a miracle that I’m still in such good shape - Hey, ask Concetta! She don’t call me “The Man” for nothin’! Yeah, that’s a joke, ya’ mook! But I DO still get the broads!
Thanks again, Paisan’
Joey Clams

Dear Joey Clams:
Who is your favorite wiseguy?
Please don’t use my full name, as I am “away at school” for a while.
My classes are for 3 to 5 and I might graduate early with some luck.
Sam ________
Number 23824-209
Block 6
Lewisberg, PA

Saluti, Sammy,
I’m glad to hear from you there at “school”. Keep taking care of business so you can graduate and come home all ready to get back to work. Your “good behavior” oughta get you a break and get your “degree” early. Ya’ done good, Sam, and I know you got a real education there at state p... ...uhm - I mean Penn State.

My favorite wiseguy? That is a very tough question, my friend - very tough. I need for you to let me know some details - favorite wiseguy:
Alive or dead? In the joint or out? Capo or soldier? Specialty guy or general duty? Old moustache Pete or a new guy? I respect ALL my brothers in the association, but I do have a few favorites. Please answer the questions, and I’ll write my reply here for you to see. For the record, Al Capone was NOT among my favorites whatsoever. He got a little sloppy towards the end and went ‘ubazz from playin’ with all the broads. He didn’t do right by a few people and so the feds caught him on tax evasion.
That is NO way for a DON to go! That is a very candyass rap. So, for him I got not much to say - rest his soul.

Also Benny Siegel - who could NOT be a “made” guy, bein’ as how he was not Italian, but he was a very classy guy and did a lot of good for the city of Las Vegas. Too bad he is not around to see how it got built up. Sad to say, when Vegas went very “legit”, it lost a lot of its charm for guys like me and our crews. He did NOT like to be called “Bugsy”. I agree. That’s a real ‘caffon name! I think I’d whack a guy for callin’ me a gazz name like that there.
So write about what kind of wiseguy you mean... Gotti? Gambino? Francese? Accardo? Aiuppa?

Tell your p.o. - I mean your school counselor - that you got a job lined up in Kansas City with Angelo Belloti who has a very legit wine and vinegar business.

I took extra time with your letter, Sam, because I want to show support for the sacrifice you make for your “famiglia”. Bravo, amico!
Joey Clams

Dear Joey,
What is your favorite recipe for sauce?
Mark Macaluso
The Hill - St. Louis, MO

Hey Marco,
What are you some kinda goofball, or a sissy or what? No goombah calls it his “sauce”. I think you must be some kind of watered down Italian there in St. Louis.
First off, remember - for us it’s either ragu or gravy...not sauce.
Next, what kind a mook would I be to just “give” my recipe? It don’t work like that. Keep askin’ for stuff that way and you’ll get my recipe for a knuckle samwidge. I’ll make it and deliver it myself. I’m gettin’ a lot of “agida” just reading your question. I’ve gotta ask Concetta what she was thinking about when she pulled this letter for me. As a matter of fact, I’m going to call you later and see what kind of ‘gidrool you are.
Try to behave yourself and learn the right lingo. Are you REALLY Italian?
Joey C

Well, that’s all there is for now. Keep visiting and tell your friends to check out the web site - www.joeyclams.com Write if you want to, and I’ll try to answer as many as I can.
By the way, I’ve got some nice recipes for all of the real decent and respectful paisani out there and my Nonna Lucia saved ‘em all. She stuck ‘em all in the family Bible and behind the Infant of Prague and St. Anthony statues in the living room. What a piece of work, my Nonna Lucia!
As soon as I get some time from joeyclams.com, I’ll put it together and offer it for sale. Whaddya think?!

Next week I’ll try to add some links for you...other Italian things. I’m working on this to shape it up. You can let me know if you want to see something special. Va bene?

NOTE: If your name is Maria Anastasia Tosto, please do NOT send letters with “baci” and xoxoxoxoxo as Concetta gets touchy, if you know what I mean. I know I’m hard to resist, but honey you gotta learn to do the right thing in the right way. Getting Concetta p.o.ed is NOT good! So, BASTA with that stuff!